I really should be in bed.
But I just got done nursing you . . . and that experience, like many prior to tonight, left me in awe.
I have a baby and that baby is you.
You hadn’t whimpered much. But I knew it wouldn’t take long for you to erupt into a howl. Your routine 11:30 ish PM snack.
I’ve almost given up going to bed until your snack. Especially when I have a good book laying beside my bed and your snuggly daddy beside me.
As I nursed you, those tiny hands . . . now so big yet still so tiny. Delicate. Perfect. Warm. Slightly moist from a warm house and I suspect a visit to your mouth.
When you were done drawing your milk and only latched on for comfort purposes, I stuck my pinkie in your mouth to break the suction and you nestled into my arm . . . perhaps hoping for a night’s rest.
Oh, how I longed to just hold you. But you are growing. You have been growing up since the day you entered this world. I really just want you to stay this age and yet I can’t wait to sit over a cuppa tea and daydream with you.
Not ready to lay you down in your crib where you sleep more peacefully, I nestled your head into my neck and feigned burping you. You wiggled. And you began that delightful thing you do with your mouth.
This thing that you do . . . and that people with dentures do. Yes. Sorry for the similarity. The difference is that when you open and close your mouth – it is cute. And it makes a delightful clicking noise.
I breathed in your sleepy smell . . . and realized how quickly you and your brothers were going up. I yearn to write in their journals when the sun comes up . . . to remind myself and to tell them of all their accomplishments since the last time I wrote to them with a pen in my hand instead of a keyboard at my fingertips.
You cause me to slow down . . . to savor . . . to enjoy . . . . to remember and preserve those recollections.
And so I am. I did. All the while, you are laying on your pink minky sheet . . . arms spread out . . . hugging your sleep.
It made me think. I need to hold you more. Tomorrow I shall find a way.
So ends day 242 . . . really 243.