Amazed

I really should be in bed. 

But I just got done nursing you . . . and that experience, like many prior to tonight, left me in awe.

I have a baby and that baby is you.

You hadn’t whimpered much.  But I knew it wouldn’t take long for you to erupt into a howl.  Your routine 11:30 ish PM snack. 

I’ve almost given up going to bed until your snack.  Especially when I have a good book laying beside my bed and your snuggly daddy beside me. 

As I nursed you, those tiny hands . . . now so big yet still so tiny.  Delicate.  Perfect.  Warm.  Slightly moist from a warm house and I suspect a visit to your mouth.

When you were done drawing your milk and only latched on for comfort purposes, I stuck my pinkie in your mouth to break the suction and you nestled into my arm . . . perhaps hoping for a night’s rest. 

Oh, how I longed to just hold you.  But you are growing.  You have been growing up since the day you entered this world.  I really just want you to stay this age and yet I can’t wait to sit over a cuppa tea and daydream with you. 

Not ready to lay you down in your crib where you sleep more peacefully, I nestled your head into my neck and feigned burping you.  You wiggled.  And you began that delightful thing you do with your mouth.

This thing that you do . . . and that people with dentures do.  Yes.  Sorry for the similarity.  The difference is that when you open and close your mouth – it is cute.  And it makes a delightful clicking noise. 

I breathed in your sleepy smell . . . and realized how quickly you and your brothers were going up.  I yearn to write in their journals when the sun comes up . . . to remind myself and to tell them of all their accomplishments since the last time I wrote to them with a pen in my hand instead of a keyboard at my fingertips. 

You cause me to slow down . . . to savor . . . to enjoy . . . . to remember and preserve those recollections. 

And so  I am.  I did.  All the while, you are laying on your pink minky sheet . . . arms spread out  . . . hugging your sleep. 

It made me think.  I need to hold you more.  Tomorrow I shall find a way.

So ends day 242 . . . really 243.